One Direction: This Is Us (2013)

An intimate all-access look at life on the road for the global music phenomenon. Weaved with stunning live concert footage, this inspiring feature film tells the remarkable story of Niall, Zayn, Liam, Harry and Louis' meteoric rise to fame, from their humble hometown beginnings and competing on the X-Factor, to conquering the world and performing at London's famous O2 Arena. Hear it from the boys themselves and see through their own eyes what it's really like to be in One Direction.

Loving documentaries and not knowing much about this boyband's personal lives, I was hoping Morgan Spurlock would provide some insightful details into their lives, but no. It never happens.

When the boys are not on stage performing their songs, we see them fooling around backstage, talking in hotel rooms and even returning home when they have a break from the tour, however, I didn't learn anything of importance.

Spurlock failed in giving the public what he promised. In my opinion, he only made this documentary because he saw dollar signs attached to it. 

To summarize, it's mostly for the so called "Directioners", but One Direction: This Is Us offers just enough edited concert footage to entertain the occasional viewer and for me, it's not as bad as everyone says.

I'll give it 6 out of 10 stars.

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013)

Set in contemporary New York City, a seemingly ordinary teenager, Clary Fray (Lily Collins), discovers she is the descendant of a line of Shadowhunters, a secret cadre of young half-angel warriors locked in an ancient battle to protect our world from demons. After the disappearance of her mother (Lena Headey), Clary must join forces with a group of Shadowhunters, who introduce her to a dangerous alternate New York called Downworld, filled with demons, warlocks, vampires, werewolves and other deadly creatures. Based on the worldwide best-selling book series. 

The Mortal Instruments is the first in what was obviously hoped to be a series that would catch on like Harry Potter or The Twilight Saga. Well, it's more like The Golden Compass, The Spiderwick Chronicles, City of Ember, I Am Number 4, or the Percy Jackson "series". It features a naive teenager who's heir to mystical powers but who has been "protected" from that knowledge up until a crisis from the other world claims her mother. The daughter, Clary, and her mom, Jocelyn, are perfectly fine, though Jocelyn gets to spend much of the film doing her Sleeping Beauty impersonation. The rest of the movie is portentous and stylized. It has a few good action scenes, and an interesting wrinkle or 2 in the plot line, but it suffers from the same problem that all these supernatural/demigod films do, which is trying to explain the motives of the bad guys, other than just, well, that's the way villains are supposed to behave. It doesn't get all carried away with special effects but actually lets the actors perform. 

I'll give it 5 out of 10 stars.

Addams Family Values (1993)

On any day of the week, you could expect a newborn baby to be nurtured and loved by his older sister. Except, of course, if it's Wednesday. Pubert is the latest addition to the Addams family and, to prevent sibling rivalry escalating to fratricide, Wednesday and Pugsley are shipped off to summer camp and a nanny is hired. Debby Jellinsky is great with wrinkling baldies, which makes her the perfect nanny for Pubert and the unlikely wife of Uncle Fester. The question is..."Is she grave-digging or gold-digging?"

Christina Ricci fulfills all the promise that she showed in the first film, as she really steals the film from her more established co-stars.

The scenes at camp produce some of the best one-liners, and it is great to see an American film that is self-mocking about its image conscious rich societies. Lines from Ricci like " Is that your overbite?" and "When they woke up all their old noses had grown back!" are superb!
Add a little bit of romance between Wednesday and another kid at the camp and you have something for everyone in this wonderfully funny and worryingly endearing movie.

I'll give it 8 out of 10 stars.

The Addams Family (1991)

The Addams step out of Charles Addams' cartoons. They live with all of the trappings of the macabre (including a detached hand for a servant) and are quite wealthy. Added to this mix is a crooked accountant and his loan shark and a plot to slip in the shark's son into the family as their long lost Uncle Fester. Can the false Fester find his way into the vault before he is discovered?

The performances in this movie are superb. It's a black comedy, and as such, it requires a certain kind of actor. The kind who has the right look, the perfect comedic timing, and the ability to deliver lines so blankly it almost hurts. Raul Julia, Anjelica Huston, and a young Christina Ricci somehow all manage to deliver. They're truly a delight to watch, delivering the most macabre lines without even coming close to cracking a smile, yet having me in stitches every time. Even Christopher Lloyd, playing a far more energetic character, manages to bring in a maniacal edge to the performance. I don't think there's an actor in the movie who doesn't understand the role they play.

The script is great material for them to work with too, extremely witty, rarely, if ever, falling on it's face, and complemented with some fantastic sets. And let's not forget the music. From the legendary theme tune, to the  jingles accompanying the visual gags, to the booming organs during the heavier moments, it's spot-on. The whole movie works as one to capture the Addams atmosphere, macabre as it's ever been.

Sure, there's a plot too, but while it drives the movie on, you'd watch this movie for the wonderful theme, not for an intriguing plotline.

I'll give it 10 out of 10 stars.

The Conjuring (2013)

In 1971, Carolyn and Roger Perron move their family into a dilapidated Rhode Island farm house and soon strange things start happening around it with escalating nightmarish terror. In desperation, Carolyn contacts the noted paranormal investigators, Ed and Lorraine Warren, to examine the house. What the Warrens discover is a whole area steeped in a satanic haunting that is now targeting the Perron family wherever they go. To stop this evil, the Warrens will have to call upon all their skills and spiritual strength to defeat this spectral menace at its source that threatens to destroy everyone involved.

The Conjuring is a nail-biting, hiding-behind-hands movie. If you've been disappointed with the likes of Paranormal Activity and Insidious, this one is likely to deliver in areas where they failed.

The particular incident they are brought in to deal with is described as surrounding a spirit "so malevolent" it was hidden from the public until only now. In fairly Amityville-like circumstances, a family move into a new house and discover the basement is sealed; boarded-up behind a doorway.

It's not at all surprising what follows, once they decide to take a look in the basement but it is surprising how James Wan has managed to take such a tired theme of haunting and possession and revive it so convincingly.

I am no stranger to these kind of movies but this one truly tops them all for tension and terror.

I particularly liked the way the film took a turn for the comical somewhere in the middle, only for perhaps five minutes, then came back firing on all cylinders as it headed to the finale. If this was intentional, to lure us into a false sense of security, it worked beautifully.

If you enjoy classic horror like The Exorcist, The Amityville Horror and Poltergeist, I can almost guarantee The Conjuring won't disappoint you.

I'll give it 9 out of 10 stars.

This Is the End (2013)

All Jay Baruchel expected coming to LA was a fun time with Seth Rogen with all the wild partying to have both by themselves and at James Franco's housewarming party. Suddenly, the Rapture hits and the Biblical Apocalypse has begun. Now, Jay and Seth are desperately sheltering in James' house for rescue along with a few other friends. Together, they must band together to attempt to survive the end of the world, only for Jay to find that they are all too dumb and superficial to do it until they discover the only way out.

I started watching this film because of the decent score it had received. I should have known better. Yet again, Seth Rogen and pals star in a "comedy", that would only make the simplest of teenage boys laugh.

The story itself is fairly interesting, but the dialog and the attempted humor are on a level that a monkey could achieve, and to be honest, this style of comedy hasn't been fun for over a decade. I understand in some ways that humor is subjective and therefore not anyone can like every kind of comedy, but this brain damaging rubbish just makes me sad at the decadence of this society.

I'll give it 2 out of 10 stars.

White Chicks (2004)

After an unsuccessful mission, FBI agents Kevin Copeland (Shawn Wayans) and Marcus Copeland (Marlon Wayans) fall in disgrace in the agency. They decide to swap their bad position with his superior Section Chief Elliott Gordon (Frankie Faison) working undercover in an abduction case, disguised in the two spoiled white daughters of a tycoon, Brittany and Tiffany Wilson (Maitland Ward and Anne Dudek), getting in hilarious situations.

I am astounded that anybody would say that this is a great movie. I understand that this is a comedy, but the whole plot is unbelievable. The two men don't look white, like women, or the people they are posing as. It is unrealistic to think that these girls friends wouldn't notice that the friends they see every day have grown a foot and a half and have men bodies. All of the jokes in this movie are lame. The only thing that made me laugh was Terry Crews' character singing in the car, and that certainly is not enough to make this movie watchable. Keenen Ivory Wayans should be ashamed of himself for making this crap!!! I would not recommend this movie to anybody.

I'll give it 1 out of 10 stars.

Contagion (2011)

Soon after her return from a business trip to Hong Kong, Beth Emhoff (Gwyneth Paltrow) dies from what is a flu or some other type of infection. Her young son dies later the same day. Her husband Mitch (Matt Damon) however seems immune. Thus begins the spread of a deadly infection. For doctors and administrators at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, several days pass before anyone realizes the extent or gravity of this new infection. They must first identify the type of virus in question and then find a means of combating it, a process that will likely take several months. As the contagion spreads to millions of people worldwide, societal order begins to break down as people panic. 

This movie has a very impressive cast lineup and it's not always easy to keep an ensemble cast straight, especially when the main plot of the film is run by subplots from the various characters and their stories that continue throughout the film, but this particularly cast made the story of the film very easy to comprehend. The stories weave in and out of each other at times, but often they are all separate, just lead by the same main plot of a viral outbreak affecting the entire population of the world. Thankfully, Contagion interweaves its characters and story lines at just the right intervals, forming a very structured and well crafted end result. There are essentially four main stories that intertwine. There's the father character's story, the CDC, the scientists trying to stop the disease, and a blogger who claims to already have a cure for the disease. These four stories get basically equal screen time and all serve a purpose towards thickening the film's plot. The way they work together and separate is impressive and makes for a very strong overall narrative.

Steven Soderbergh takes a very minimalist approach to Contagion, steering clear of anything flashy or exaggerated and avoiding over-dramatic relationships and big budget set pieces. This makes Contagion a very unique experience and something much different from your typical viral outbreak flick. It does lag in spots as the film attempts to stretch out certain things without doing anything flashy. The film takes a very low key and eerily monotone approach to its storytelling. It seems to choose the simplest solution to things which in turn makes it a more fascinating and much more realistic feeling than something glitzy and spastic. I certainly feel that Contagion paints the best picture of what would actually happen if a serious outbreak like this occur. 

Contagion is certainly a film worth seeing. It takes a much different approach to a genre we thought we were so familiar with. Soderbergh's sharp direction and Scott Z. Burns' keen script give this film a great atmosphere, and the incredible cast lineup makes it all better. 

I'll give it 8 out of 10 stars.

Slumdog Millionaire (2008)

A Mumbai teen who grew up in the slums, becomes a contestant on the Indian version of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" He is arrested under suspicion of cheating, and while being interrogated, events from his life history are shown which explain why he knows the answers.

Just about every aspect of this film deserves merit, and above all it belongs to Boyle, who managed to assemble such a massive achievement. The score by A.R. Rahman, with contributions from M.I.A., perfectly accompanies the action on screen. Still, it is great enough to be listened to on its own. With India as a backdrop, Boyle and his cinematographer have composed some remarkable images. The acting is roundly impressive, especially coming from the younger cast, almost all of which has never acted before.

Slumdog Millionaire is by genre a comedic drama, but it becomes much more. The film asks questions about fate, justice, greed, and even urban sprawl. Above all, however, it asks about love in the face of the most terrible obstacles, and if it can truly prosper. Jamal's story is a tragic and unfortunate one, but as seen through his eyes, it is still beautiful. The vast colour taste of India overwhelm any negative feelings, and Jamal's hope of finding and being with Latika overwhelm despair. For Jamal, 20 million rupees isn't his prize. It would be nearly impossible for there to be a better picture for the year of 2008.

I'll give it 9 out of 10 stars.

The Notebook (2004)

The movie focuses on an old man reading a story to an old woman in a nursing home. The story he reads follows two young lovers named Allie Hamilton and Noah Calhoun, who meet one evening at a carnival. But they are separated by Allie's parents who disapprove of Noah's unwealthy family, and move Allie away. After waiting for Noah to write her for several years, Allie meets and gets engaged to a handsome young soldier named Lon. Allie, then, with her love for Noah still alive, stops by Noah's 200-year-old home that he restored for her, "to see if he's okay". It is evident that they still have feelings for each other, and Allie has to choose between her fiancé and her first love.

Yet another movie that was made by people who think just because there are people who kiss on screen, it makes the movie emotional or romantic! The whole movie is based on a very thin principle, going back and forth between two periods in the life of two lovers without any real heart behind it.

I think with a different cast it would have been mildly interesting but it doesn't even come close to extract any of the emotional response you might expect from a good movie.

The plot goes from one twist to another without any other purpose than to surprise especially naive viewers and the tear jerker ending is a big yawn, even with the talent of poor Rowland and Garner who are completely wasted on the flat dialog and cliché storyline.

The whole thing probably isn't helped by Gosling and McAdams total lack of chemistry and forced acting but I can't say it would have improved the poor plot any if the young actors had been even remotely close to the talent of their eldest.

I'll give it 5 out of 10 stars.

Incendies (2011)

A mother's last wishes send twins Jeanne and Simon on a journey to the Middle East in search of their tangled roots. Adapted from Wajdi Mouawad's acclaimed play, Incendies tells the powerful and moving tale of two young adults' voyage to the core of deep-rooted hatred, never-ending wars and enduring love. 

This film is extraordinary on just about every level. The script is terrific, the actors are perfect, the direction and cinematography are all you could hope for. I recommend it without hesitation.

Anyone who has seen any of Villeneuve's previous work knows that this filmmaker has body of work that is almost without peer in contemporary cinema world-wide and are unparallelled in the history of Canadian cinema. 

In a film as stunning as this one it's odd to single out one aspect, but I must say that Lubna Azabal's performance is among the best I've ever seen. Though I've watched a few films that she's been in in the past, she never really stood out for me but she is devastatingly good in this picture.

My only complaint about the film was the use of music by Radiohead. I really love Radiohead but the songs took me out of the film each time it played. The rest of the music cues were spot-on and quite excellent, but Thom Yorke's voice belonged nowhere near this film.

I'll give it 9 out of 10 stars.

Case 39 (2010)

"Case 39" centers on an idealistic social worker who saves an abused 10 year old girl from her parents only to discover that the girl is not as innocent as she thinks.

In my opinion, this movie was total chiche in most of the scenes therefore not being frightening at all. I think that the choice of actors didn't help as Jodelle Ferland look kind of irritating and Renée Zellweger kept the same facial expression throughout the entire movie. Although I think this movie had a different concept and chose to make a story that wasn't too "used" I do believe that Christian Alvart could do a much better job.

I'll give it 2 out of 10 stars.

Gothika (2003)

A criminal psychologist awakens to find herself a patient in the institution where she works, with no memory of the murder she's accused of committing. As she tries to regain her memory - and her freedom - a vengeful spirit manipulates her. 

This is an awful film, full of plot holes and poor acting. The ending is sudden and unexpected and downright silly. Even the ghost does not understand the plot! The majority of scenes do lend themselves to a slightly uncomfortable mood, but most of the shocks are just the same old build up of dramatic music then the mandatory pop up scare. I love a good scary phsycological thriller but this one left me confused and laughing at the suddenness of the ending. I was left wondering if the producers had run out of money or something.The acting is cheesy and uninspiring. I don't even know what Downey's character had to do with the plot, it was as if he had paid somebody to be in it. This is an easily forgettable film!

I'll give it 1 out of 10 stars.

House on Haunted Hill (1999)

When an eccentric millionaire offer a group of opposites $1,000,000 to spend the night in a so called "Haunted House" with a murderous past, they figure it is a quick way to get quick money and leave. All of them are sure it is some made up story just to mess with their heads a little and test their courage. But, once they stay in the house they start to think about the mistake they made in coming there when mysterious things start to happen.

Well...I suppose this film was meant to be scary, uncanny and perhaps even ineresting, but it was a total failure. The first 30 minutes were OK, but then it went downhill, and in a really impressive way. I tried hard not to fall asleep, because the rest of this so called "horror movie" was so boring and annoying, it`s unbelievable! Compared to this one, even a Jackie Chan film has a fascinating plot! 

If you want to waste some time go watch this, otherwise...avoid it!!

I'll give it 2 out of 10 stars.

Identity Thief (2013)

Sandy Patterson gets a nice call confirming his name and other identifying information. The next thing he knows, a spa in Florida is reminding him of his appointment, and his credit cards are maxed out. With his identity stolen, Sandy leaves his wife, kids and job to literally bring the thief to justice in Colorado. But keeping tabs on the other Sandy and run-ins with bounty hunters, is harder than he was expecting, and ultimately the cross-country trip is going to find both Sandys learning life tips from one another.

I could do an entire essay on why this film sucked, or I could just save the time and say it completely sucked. This was a horrible film, I don't know what happened to Jason Bateman but I no longer find his humor relevant anymore. Seriously, this was an awful film that was supposed to be a comedy, but I did not laugh, not even once during the whole film. I just felt that this was a truly horrible film. The plot was terrible, simply because why would you ever fall for some random number calling you for personal information in the first place? You have to be one total idiot to fall for schemes when someone calls you asking for your social security number. I watched the whole movie with the hopes of laughing hard in a scene, but I ended up wasting 2 hours of my life that I would love to have back. I do not know what went wrong, was it the script, poor directing, choice of actors, or the poor delivery? While this may be relevant to some, I just felt like I was watching two idiots the whole movie. This is probably the worst film I have seen Jason Bateman in, it just seems like he has the same humor in all his movies now. Melissa Mcarthy, please start accepting some good roles, you are way funnier than this. 

Conclusion: don't waste time watching this movie...trust me. ;)

I'll give it 2 out of 10 stars.

LOL (2012)

In a world connected by YouTube, iTunes, and Facebook, Lola and her friends navigate the peer pressures of high school romance and friendship while dodging their sometimes overbearing and confused parents. When Lola's mom, Anne, "accidentally" reads her teenage daughter's racy journal, she realizes just how wide their communication gap has grown. 

If there's one word to describe this movie, it would be crap. In no way are there any redeeming qualities in this "film" as it is filled with a stupid plot, horrible dialogue (if you can call it that), banal acting and overall crap. The whole thing is a deception; it looks like a low-budget made-for-TV film that, ironically enough, should have been a made-for-tv film in the first place!!! I'm sorry, but after Hanna Montana and the hateful film that followed it, Miley Cyrus's career as an actress is pretty much in the toilet. Only a wickedly hardcore Miley Cyrus fan would watch this because any self-respecting movie-lover would stay clear away from this hell-hole of a movie.

I'll give it 1 out of 10 stars.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)

Two pretty but ditsy American girls are on a road trip through Europe. In Germany, they end up alone at night with a broken car in the woods. They search for help and find an isolated villa. The next day, they awaken to find themselves trapped in a terrifying makeshift basement hospital along with a Japanese man. An older German man identifies himself as a retired surgeon specialized in separating Siamese twins. However, his three "patients" are not about to be separated but joined together in a horrific operation. He plans to be the first person to connect people via their gastric systems. By doing so, he plans to bring to life his sick lifetime fantasy, the human centipede.

This is probably the craziest idea I've ever heard, which got me extremely intrigued. 

First of all, there are things to enjoy about the film. The crazy surgeon at the centre of it all, Dr. Heiter (Dieter Laser), has one of the most unusual faces I've ever seen, and therefore makes a great horror villain. His stoic and Nazi-like behaviour is hilarious, sometimes unnerving, and often very camp. The surgery scenes, and the inevitable "oh no, I need to shit!" moment are delightfully cringe-inducing, and watching Heiter gaze longingly at a picture of his dead three-dog is just plain weird.

Yet at the heart of it all, it's nothing more than a run-of-the-mill horror, with dragged-out set pieces, an overlong stalk-around-the-house scene, and a rather poor climax. The eventual unveiling of his creation is also rather tamed, with the key gruesome areas covered up. I mean, how good can a film be where the victims are joined through the gastric system and are forced to shit in each others mouths? Saying all that, I will be watching the sequel.

I'll give it 5 out of 10 stars.

A Serbian Film (2011)

In Serbia, the retired porn star Milos is married with his beloved wife Marija and they have a little son, Peter, that is their pride and joy. The family is facing financial difficulties, but out of the blue, Milos is contacted by the porn actress Lejla that offers him a job opportunity in an art film. Milos is introduced to the director Vukmir that offers a millionaire contract to Milos to act in a film. However, Vukmir neither show the screenplay nor tell the story to Milos. Milos discuss the proposal with Marija and he signs the contract. But sooner he finds that Vukmir and his crew are involved in sick snuff films of pedophilia, necrophilia and torture and there is no way back to him and maybe it is too late to protect his family.

Allow me to start by saying I enjoy bloody horror films, in fact I often seek them out. My credentials for this review are well in order. Now. Allow me to explain why A Serbian Film is not that fantastic.

Here is the thing about creating a violent and scary film movie: it is all about pacing. Sure, I want to see something truly messed up, but it is all about how it is presented to me. Let us point to a movie that is in no ways considered violent or a splatter film. Let us take The Shining, for example. The film has limited violence throughout, sets up with great tension, and then shows me a guy getting killed. Although the death is in no ways violent compared to A Serbian Film or even most other films in the horror genre, I find it more disturbing in that it builds tension and then shows me something graphic. 

Now, call me foolish for comparing one of the greatest horror films of all time to A Serbian Film, but I feel the comparison necessary because this is where this film fails. It sends you shocking imagery rather quickly and, before you know it, you just don't care and find yourself writing this film off as another splatter film that tries too hard. Sure, the level of sexual violence may intensify throughout the film, but it is hard to be fearful of the next shocking scene when you know it will likely be a similar Human Centipede idea. The violence in this film sounds like a bunch of 13-year-olds trying to come up with something gross.

I'll give it 4 out of 10 stars.

"Horrible Bosses" (2011)

Nick hates his boss, mostly because he's expected to work from before sunrise to after sunset and his boss, Mr. Harken, calls him out for being a minute late and blackmails him so he can't quit. Dale hates his boss, Dr. Julia Harris, because she makes unwelcome sexual advances when he's about to get married. But Dale is on that pesky list of child offenders so he can't quit. Kurt actually likes his job and his boss, well, up until his boss dies and the boss's coked-out, psychopathic son takes over. But who would be crazy enough to quit their jobs in such poor economic times? Instead Nick, Dale and Kurt drunkenly and hypothetically discuss how to kill their bosses, and before they know it, they've hired a murder consultant to help them pull off the three deeds. 

I thought the cast was excellent. I feel Kevin Spacey played the perfect slave-driving-high-school-bully-type character perfectly. I also loved Jennifer Aniston portraying the horny, slutty, hot dentist. But my favorite of the three villains was definitely Colin Farrell. He was, without a doubt, the funniest character in the whole movie and I loved how he tried to "trim the fat."

I also believe the three protagonists (Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, and Charlie Day) were perfect for their selected roles and each one complemented the other two. I also love how in the beginning of the movie, Charlie Day was seen as the idiot character while the other two were much smarter. Then later on, he proves himself to be an invaluable member of the group by getting them off the hook with the police temporarily only for Jason Sudeikis to remember he stuck his boss's toothbrush up his ass leaving DNA behind. Oh, and how can I forget Motherfucker Jones? This guy literally charged the three guys $5,000 to be their "murder consultant" only for them to find out all he's ever done to get into trouble was video piracy.

Overall, this was a great dark comedy with an ensemble cast and in my opinion, the best comedy film of 2011. It sure beats Take Me Home Tonight, Arthur, Hall Pass, and The Hangover Part II. If you enjoy watching a dark concept being acted out in the most comic ways, you should definitely see this movie.

I'll give it 7 out of 10 stars.

"I Don't Know How She Does It" (2011)

A comedy centered on the life of Kate Reddy, a finance executive who is the breadwinner for her husband and two kids.

In my opinion, this movie was stupid and an insult to the actual working wives and mothers. It fails miserably on all criteria.

I think that the movie industry needs to know the difference between "a name" and "actual talent" because it's sad to think of all the wonderful, raw, blossoming talented people rotting in the gutter as they give known actors roles, not because they are good, but because they are famous.

I'll give it 1 out of 10 stars.

"Bonnie and Clyde" (1967)

A bored small-town girl and a small-time bank robber leave in their wake a string of violent robberies and newspaper headlines that catch the imagination of the Depression-struck Mid-West in this take on the legendary crime spree of these archetypal lovers on the run.

What a movie!!! I don't know where to start. Of course, the acting is top-notch, and the directing is too.

It's a roller-coaster of emotions. You get sad, happy, thrilled, excited, in love, and than start over in a wonderful whirlwind of greatness. It's a movie that almost anyone can enjoy. There's romance, action, violence, some comedy so there's something for everybody. I'm telling you, you will enjoy this!

I'll give it 9 out of 10 stars.

"Movie 43" (2013)

A series of interconnected short films follows a washed-up producer as he pitches insane story lines featuring some of the biggest stars in Hollywood.

This film pretends to have a plot, but it's just an excuse for a bunch of talented actors to do unfunny and disgusting things. How did they get all of these talented actors to do this?? Were they bored, or bullied into it? I mean this movie is going to be a hard one to recover from. The only sketch I thought was funny, was the one with Emma Stone and Kieran Culkin, because they both seemed to put an effort into it, and Emma Stone can be funny without even trying. But everybody else was just wasted which is a shame since the cast was so amazing.

I'll give it 1 out of 10 stars.

"Superhero Movie" (2008)

Orphaned high school student Rick Riker is bitten by a radioactive dragonfly, develops super powers (except for the ability to fly), and becomes a hero.

I had low expectations for this movie, so I was surprised when it turned out to be better than I thought. It wasn't great or anything, but there were a few chuckles, and I even laughed out loud twice!! Still, to me, this movie would have worked better as a straight movie. It was certainly entertaining, and, except for all the fart jokes, it didn't reach into the bottom of the barrel for laughs. As far spoofs go,this was probably in the middle of the scale. Not great, but not torturous either. Would I watch it again? Probably not, but it's a good movie to watch if you're feeling like watching something stupid. 

I'll give it 1 out of 10 stars.

"Carrie" (1976)

Carrie White is a shy young girl who doesn't make friends easily. After her class mates taunt her about her horrified reaction to her totally unexpected first period one of them takes pity on her and gets Tommy Ross, her boyfriend and class hunk to invite Carrie to the senior prom. Meanwhile another girl who has been banned from the prom for her continued aggressive behaviour is not as forgiving and plans a trick to embarrass Carrie in front of the whole school. What she doesn't realise is that Carrie is ... gifted, and you really don't want to get her angry. 

If there was something wrong with this film, it would be hard to pick out. It is amazingly acted, greatly scripted and everything a good film is supposed to be. It's one of my favourites films of all-time, and I couldn't stop talking about it for weeks after I first watched it. Sissy Spacek was amazing, every scene with her in was special, she made Carrie White an emotionally-charged psycho. And what about Piper Laurie, she was just the most irreplacable character there will ever be, and I'm sure Sissy was scared of her just a tiny bit. The rest of the cast, Amy Irving, William Katt and Nancy Allen were amazing teens. I didn't like John Travolta's performance, it just lacked what the rest of the cast had going for them. Carrie has a sparkling script with added funny bits to remember it's a teen movie not a blood-sucking horror!! The moment Carrie gets soaked in blood, it's just so weirdly unreal to watch. So I'm going to end this with my favourite tag line... IF YOU'VE GOT A TASTE FOR TERROR...TAKE CARRIE TO THE PROM!

I'll give it 9 out of 10 stars. =)

"A Haunted House" (2013)

Malcolm and Kisha move into their dream home, but soon learn a demon also resides there. When Kisha becomes possessed, Malcolm - determined to keep his sex life on track - turns to a priest, a psychic, and a team of ghost-busters for help.

I was so excited to see this movie because I am a huge Wayan's fan and I have not had a good laugh in a long time!! Well, I will still be waiting on my laugh because seeing this only made me upset. This should have gone straight to DVD. I don't know if they were in a huge rush to release this mess but this was not well planned and there were only about twenty people in the whole movie. Marlon could have done a much better job than this.  I was so disappointed and think the name should have been "A Sex House" not "A Haunted House". 

I'll give it 1 out of 10 stars. :(

"The Evil Dead" (1981)

Five friends go up to a cabin in the woods, where they find unspeakable evil lurking in the forest. They find a tome called the "Necronomicon", Book of the Dead, and the taped translation of the text. Once the tape is played, the evil is released. One by one, the teens are possessed. With only one remaining, it is up to him to survive the night and battle the evil dead. 

The Evil Dead is, without a doubt, one of the greatest horror movies of all time. Made on a shoe string budget as a labour of love, it still remains Raimi's best movie. He has subsequently worked on bigger projects with bigger names but it is arguable whether he has ever surpassed the invention, thrills, energy and sheer fun of this. And why Bruce Campbell never became a genuine movie star after his debut here, and not just a much loved cult figure, is a complete mystery to me. This movie is a modern horror classic and absolutely essential viewing for any self-respecting movie buff! It doesn't get much better than this! =)

I'll give it 9 out of 10 stars.

"Suspiria" (1977)

A young American dancer travels to Europe to join a famous ballet school. As she arrives, the camera turns to another young woman, who appears to be fleeing from the school. She returns to her apartment where she is gruesomely murdered by a hideous creature. Meanwhile, the young American is trying to settle in at the ballet school, but hears strange noises and is troubled by bizarre occurrences. She eventually discovers that the school is merely a front for a much more sinister organization.

Dario Argento's crowning achievement in stylish film-making. 

Suspiria is the most beautiful horror film ever made. Every single frame of this film is expertly lit and colorful. With this technique Argento manages to create an almost unbearable amount of tension and the extremely brutal and bloody murder sequences look so good one can only admire their beauty. The music score by Goblin is one of the most effective score ever to grace a horror movie.

Not much of a story here, but that's really not the main thing. Style and atmosphere is the main course here, and it's execution is completely flawless. Acting and dubbing are okay and the dialogue is a bit stiff. But these are minor flaws in an operatic horror ride...one is not likely to forget that easily.

So, sit down, turn off the light, and watch this movie in surround sound, 'cause the music alone will totally give you the creeps. ;)

I'll give it 9 out of 10 stars.